I’m excited! i guess. I should be. anyway. this is all I really have to say tonight it is almost 12:30 therefore I’m tired and need some sleep. Good night. Oh Yeah and if you ever come to orlando stay in the double tree hotel. It is really freakin’ nice.

Life has been throwing a serious of fireballs my way and I haven’t almost forgotten about how to relieve stress through the internet.

Actually, I just got through reading my brothers blogs (i say he is more faithful at it than me) and I just figured that since he doesn’t call or email anymore then I should try reading about his life on his website. Maybe just maybe I’ll miss him a tad bit less.

Anyway, last night I went to see Miranda Lambert in concert! WO!!!! It was great. I’ve never seen a concert where I knew every word to every song until last night. I felt crazy! and drunk (oh yeah I was).

Here lately I’ve been doing everything AMY wants to do. Living alone… supporting only myself… and worrying about no one but me. Honestly sometimes it sucks, but for the most part it feels REALLY GOOD!

In fact this morning I actually got up early and went grocery shopping and then cooked myself a HUGE breakfast! Tomato gravy and biscuits, bacon and eggs, and made myself a pledge that I would do this same thing every sunday morning. I also spent about 2 overdue hours on the phone with my grandmother… who for some reason I am starting to miss more than anyone else in my dull life.

I promised her that I would do this every sunday. Maybe I’m just getting old and am beginning to find that life is tooooo short. I really don’t need to miss a single chance to speak to my family anymore- no matter how busy I am I need to make more time! After all there is nothing like family!

I also need to make a trip home soon I think it has been a few years since I’ve really been HOME, SWEET HOME ALABAMA! I need to stay a few days.

Take a nap on my granny’s front porch swing, smell some honeysuckles, ride a dirt road, listen to my grandfather play some hank williams, throw beer bottles at the road signs, go skinny dipping in a creek, laugh with my life long best friend, hug my mom, sing with my dad, play ball with my brother, paint my sisters fingernails, really get into a saturday football game with my papa, play UNO ALL NIGHT LONG (man i miss that), ride fourwheelers, pick some pecans, go fishing (even though i hate it), get lost in the woods, climb a tree, just anything country will do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just need it! I guess I’m really homesick but unlike most it has taken me a good 3 years to get here!

so… i’m going to run now, but i’ll try to keep blogging maybe you’ll read this JUSTIN!!!!

Tomorrow I leave for Virginia Beach to run my rockn’ roll half marathon. Sunday is the big day!

Of course, I haven’t ran much this week because I am reserving my energy but I can’t wait to hit the course. 14 bands along 13.2 miles! what else could you ask for right?

Anyway, when I get back home I will be starting my training for Disney World Marathon which is January 13, 2008. I’m excited to know that I really want to run a 4 hr. marathon and I have tons of training to do.

To start with I’m going to be doing lots of speed work. I feel a little unconfident about this training because I have set my goal so high for myself, but what is that saying?

“Shoot for the moon, at least you will land amongst the stars!”

I have gotten really into my running again. I can literally feel the pounds melting from my body and is so wonderful to feel this good again!!!

I will be starting to post messages on the runner’s lounge soon. My life is going to be hectic for the next month though. I leave for Oklahoma on september the 9th and I don’t think I’m going to have much internet access.

The other day I found a wonderful park to run at. I meet up with Dan from work and we ran in buckhead. I think seeing other people being active encouraged me more than ever. Plus Dan is a beginner at running so I felt determined to share the joy of running with him.

So………….. thats it guys. Got a long day tomorrow and I’m fixing to settle down with some hot tea and a few lessons on PR 16 lasers. Fun uh? Lots of love to all you runners out there!

I just recently took a job with a company called Hilti. For those of you who are not familar with hilti- I now sell power tools. In general that sums it all up. Although, I don’t actually sell the tools yet because I am still in training.

I have spent the last 7 nights of my life learning about construction. I have no background whatsoever in this particular field, but I am determined to learn as much as possible since I’m getting paid to learn. It is quite funny. One day you are paying to learn the next your getting paid to learn.

Anyway, I feel a bit overwhelmed because it is so much. Tonight I studied plumbing. More or less pipe installation. i really can’t tell you exactly how much I learned because I can hardly focus any longer. I feel so much like a lost puppy right now. No worries though. Learning comes with time.

My Life? Well that is actually going pretty well. I have come to terms with this crazy saying “Well, that is life”. I guess once you decide to accept it then everything tends to fall into place.

I’ve been running alot due to my Rockn’ Roll half marathon coming up on Labor Day weekend. I will be spending some time in Virginia Beach, VA for this wonderful half marathon, and will be enjoying 14 bands along the 13.2 miles. The best part of all is that I will be running close to the beach so hopefully I’ll catch a grand breeze.

Tonight I ran only 4 miles, but I did some insane speed work. I figure if I’m gonna keep running I need to start speeding it up a bit. I ran 7 Hills about 4 times at full speed. Immaculate hills at that! Anyway, I was surprised to feel my legs losening up a little, here lately they have become so stiff.

I have also signed up for the Disney World Marathon that will be on January 13, 2008. I will be spending some time with friends who are traveling to Orlando to watch me. I can’t wait!

So what else? Oh yeah I got my hair cut like super short! I love it. The idea was to get it like Katie Holmes new haircut, and honestly it is pretty dang close. Now I just need to dye it really dark. I’m a little afraid of that change since everyone thinks Im goth already.

I just happen to adore the color black here lately. I don’t know why it is just something I’ve grown into. In fact I tried on a pink shirt today and almost pucked it was waaaay to bright for me. Dark colors suit me best.

See even for my new job my wardrobe has changed to all black slacks and red tops. Red? its okay I don’t mind it, but I’m loving the black.

Well, anyway I will be traveling to Tulsa, Oklahoma on Sept. 9 for an entire month for BTS Training for work. So I won’t be blogging for awhile. Anyway time to sleep, I’m really tired after everything today. A movie on the couch, some crystal light, and like always I never make it past the first half and I’m out like a light. Well, Goodnight.

I have constantly been pondering myself for all the answers. I pray and I cry and I scream, and I do everything that I feel is the right the thing to do, and nothing seems to work for me. I have honestly been completely miserable for about 2 years.

People tell me that time heals all pain, but I feel that there are some things that time cannot replace. It is time for me to lay all this crap down and move on with my life. Whatever that means.

Tomorrow I have plans to quit smoking - number one goal. Next I have to get a serious workout. I have exactly about 3 weeks to break from school, so I am picking up some random vending jobs- because I need more money. I’m trying to save up for my next big move.

I have a few different options at where my life could go from here, but no diffinite plans so far. I could either move back to auburn where my mom and little brother and sister could move in with me so I can help them all out. I could move to Foley, AL, Savannah, GA, or last but diffenently not least I could move to California. All of these options are up for grabs. Oh I forgot one. I could move to Jacksonville, FL where my freinds live, but then I’d always be the third will. Anyway, my love life sucks, but that is alright with me. I know GOD has got a wild card up his sleeve, and I hope I play my hand well.

I’m thinking at this point that I sould just move to California, and be done with everyone here, but at some point I’ve got to quit running away. I need to stand face to face with the devil, and conquer what I can and let God conquer what I can’t handle.

Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed that I swear I’m going to have an emotional break down, but I know the bible tells me that God will not put anything on me that I can’t handle. Well, I need to go to bed no one reads all this crap anyway. If you do you must be really bored or gay. kidding. Good night whomever slips upon this crazy blog.

You see, living with nothing really pulls the best out of you. You learn to live without all your hearts desires, and it makes you realize how bad you want something. I guess if I could just put everything into perspective it would all make sense… but i’m not that kind of person. I am a go get er’. I never seem to give up. Sometimes, i think maybe I don’t need to give up, but just give in a little. Then, I think about it a little longer and decide, no, the time is not right.

Working two jobs is already insane, but working two jobs and taking three classes is even more insane. It is amazing that I can always make time for excersise… everyday. Today, I even made time for a twenty minute nap.

It was an extremely long day.. and Mandy and I actually kind of got kicked out of the Home Depot by the store manager. You see, usually I am the one to lose my temper, but today Mandy lost hers because she was trying to take up for me. It really wasn’t pretty- but weird-me being the peace maker. Of course, our boss took care of the situation and we didn’t get kicked out, because honestly we were only doing our job, which the store manager obviously did not like.

Oh, well, my money situation is kinda screwed up, because I just had to pay over $1,000 to take 3 classes and that really doesn’t even include my books. When your on a budget, and your trying to save for your next big move-little things always pop up and keep you from getting anywhere, but backwards. Fortuantely, I took care of it like I always do.

I’m starting to doubt myself though, I’m starting to tell myself, “I can’t do this!” and quiet frankly because of matters in my life I feel like I’ve lost my mind. Mandy clarified it all for me today. She said, “Yes, Amy, You have completley lost your mind, but I understand I’ve been there.” What are friends for, right? All of these things that are causing me to lose it… I’m putting them in my I understand file.

The only thing to look forward to is CHANGE, and everthing is defenitley changing, but maybe this is what I’ve waited for all along- a miraculous change.

I’m watching the History of Sex right now on the history chanel, but besides that…

The first night I closed the store on my complete own, was a disaster. You see… no one told me about the keys to the doors, so while I was trying to figure it all out, I somehow managed to break the lock on the door. It kind of just feel out into my hand. I was at the store forever… I had to call a locksmith, and of course I was just about to freak the heak out, but I managed to handle it well.

Then, I decided to go MIA for a while… hard to explain, but a vacation was much needed. For me, I have to make time for vacation, so I did.. and I had a blast with some great people!!!!

I will be taking 11 days of work in July to go to FL. I’m traveling, probably going to fly come to think of it.. or maybe i’ll just drive, but I’m going to Jacksonville to visit with some of my favorite and greatest friends for my 21st birthday.

Things here in GA are looking better for me. So far I’ve been running like crazy.. and I just started the ultimate AB workout that kicks butt! Today during the workout I thought I was going to die, “Make it Burn” they said, and I was like, “Don’t worry my friend.. It flinkin burns!!”

They guy said that he was going to show us exactly what it takes to get rock solid ABS and all I could thing was “Do I have what it takes”- I quickly changed my attitude and told myself, oh yeah, baby, I got what it takes.

Desire may get you nowhere with anyone else, but it can carry you yourself a long way. Dedication is the key. You’ve got to have the want to!

Anyway, that is enough of my crazy babbling, just because I’m lonely doesn’t mean it gives me the right to type my life away. I need to get some sleep anyway.. I have a long run tomorrow, and I want to blow it out of the water!

I enjoy my job, but honestly I’m looking for something bigger and better- aren’t we all? So I applied for a job as a Territory manager, for a company that sells satellite. We’ll just have to see how that goes. Brave move by me only being 20 years old, or maybe I should say 21, since I’m fixing to turn. I’m young, but I have plenty of potential to succeed at this level.

I’m actually going to work in about 10 minutes because I have to close the store tonight, but I just wanted to give you a quick update.

For the first time in a while today I feel like a star! I feel confident beautiful and full of love and laughter!

I was extremely touched tonight at work (by the way I am training to be a keyholder- more stress) anyway, I always have a wonderful attitude at work. I figure- if I got to do it- why not do it GREAT! So that is what I attempt to do.

I am the kind of person who leads! I am NOT a follower, never have been- it must run in the genes. Anyway, I was complemted many times today. First, on my hair. I have a completely new look and somehow it has lifted my spirits a bit higher. It is shorter and blonde, brown, and Red. Strange? I know, but I love it. Then, I was complemeted for my wonderful attitude.

I could never go a single a day without making ONE person smile. I love to bring joy and light into the world- everything is bad enough in people’s lives. I just love to see someone smile, and take satisfaction in the knowing that I was the cause of something so simple.

Someone told me once I should be someone’s boss, well, now I am. I am the boss of the store when the managers are not there. I love it, and before I doubted myself, but come to find out -I’m actually really good at it. Now I’ve decided I shouldn’t just be someones’ boss I should have my own store. Of course this will not happen soon by no means, I still want to become a teacher- my first goal- but then I’m going to run my own business. I know that I would be very successful. FAILURE is a word that doesn’t exist in my mind.

If I do happen to Fail at something you better believe that I went down fighting, and even when I get to the bottom nothing can keep me there long, NOTHING. I will conquer the bad things in life and I will be successful, and most of all I will do it proudly, and courageously- yet humbly.

Two months ago I thought I had it all figured out. For once I was satisfied with myself. To me everything was going to be just fine. Life was.. what i made it… and it happened to be great at the time.

Now I’m not so sure. I’m not sure why I’m so depressed. The ideal thing is to make me a folder; the “I don’t understand” folder. Somewhere I can write down the things I don’t understand and toss them away for the time when I do understand.

Right now it seems my life is going no where. It is like pressing the gas as hard as I can but never getting over 30 miles an hr. It is like being at the bottom of some pit struggling constantly to get out but nothing happens. It is like trying to push a wall down with all my might but it never seems to fall, or shuffling my feet rapidly and never moving 1 inch forward.

Then there are the times when I finally sit back and stare at the wall before I break down into tears of anger because I don’t understand why I can’t push it down.

Every morning I look in the mirror at this completely lost person staring directly back into my eyes. And for the life of me I can’t seem to get it right. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to figure out who I am.

The things that I want are so clear to me, but it is like I don’t exactly know the way to get there.

There was a time that for once I felt beautiful, and attractive. This was a very recent time in my life. I was proud of who I was, and all the things around me. People that I loved - cared about me as well, and motivated me to be something great.

I’m not quiet sure how these things come to a dead end and then it is like I’m constantly looking back praying when I turn around they’ll be right in front of me. This never seems to be the case.

I have so many questions that have been left unanswered and I just don’t understand. Why? is the biggest question I have. if someone could just give me an honest answer, then maybe, just maybe I could break through the spider webs surrounding me.

I’ve done everything I can, and it still isn’t enough to make me satified.

The worst feeling in the world is to know that there is not one thing you can do… not a single one that would make the worst hurt of your life go away. Time? Well, maybe time is the answer. How much time though? Someone recently told me… A lifeTIME.